After all was achieved academically, I had completed and obtained the qualifications to take the next step into the education profession. I only needed a PGCE to be a teacher, and this is where I met with a number of complications.
I took a step back.
I needed a boost!
My confidence in and after the M.A. experience faltered, in addition to the social environment I was living and experiencing at the time in 2014. I hit a mental brick wall, disempowered and shattering my own dreams somewhat. At a time when I had expected to and should have been glowing with confidence I felt deflated. Why?
I silenced my voice.
I was always taught that patience and consideration of my actions was a virtue. Therefore, experience, listening and learning something new, stopped me. I was literally stuck in my tracks, having no idea what I should really do with all these fantastic stories (to me) that spilled from my mind. Where they for sharing with my family, or others?
After all the studying:
When I was turned down by the Local University to train to teach, instead of procrastination, I immersed myself into a default position in becoming 1:1 tuition, and volunteered in schools, I needed more experience if I was ever going to enter the classroom and teach the subject I loved, to the masses.
All the while, whilst tutoring, the writer in me niggled. I kept reminding myself that most of the lecturers at the local university suggested there was absolutely no career outside of teaching to be had for a Writer. Being a Writer was too competitive, one Lecturer had said as I said goodbye to the role of undergraduate, I was a graduate, a post-graduate. Had I maybe misheard the statements?
In my own mind, I knew I wanted to write on, to achieve a PhD in some way of a kind, for me. So I knocked on the wrong places, with my idea to be more open to translating words, pardon the simplicity, but I called the potential project Open to Translation and was met with many closed doors and lack of funding at the local University. I kept telling myself that I just hadn’t found my right time, not yet.
The tutoring was hard going, I was tutoring mostly those who didn’t want to be taught, half the time, the children didn’t turn up and it was in early 2015 I remembered a few more inspiring moments in my time line:
Two Lecturers who were positive chaps did twice say to me,
“Julie, do you need the academic qualification or just want it?”
Having generally a poor self-esteem was not helping me socially develop a network, so, I decided if I can’t do it as a team, I must have a go at this ‘solo’ finishing a Novel anyway, not for academia! For my own self progress. Most great writer’s of the past where generally in exile, but I won’t reel them off and bore you to death, this isn’t a history lesson. If I was destined to feel empowered, I must take control of my own future. It felt quite liberating, and thankfully I had the support of my family, especially my husband and my children. They believed in me.
My career history had always included computers, I was sending telex messages at seventeen and faxes at nineteen, now it was time to get digitally savvy and I love computers.
I hoped to build a Digital Community of Writers, and Readers, via a blog, listening and learning from one another’s experiences and in the mean-time connecting with likeminded life-long encouragers and maybe just finish the many stories I had begun during my undergraduate studies. The only things I needed was the time, the tech and the confidence to do it. I recalled my three motivations back in 2009, that got me through the Undergraduate degree:
Aspire to be like your Grandad who whenever he put his mind to something, he got on with it, no matter what anyone else said. His #mondaymotivation story will be appear on here, one day.
Inspired by the words of one Lecturer who educated my husband in Business Studies. Then a second Lecturer who recited on similar lines, “Do you need to do it, or just want to do it?” I realised I didn’t just want it, I needed to do it, this had become my purpose, following my dream.
Last but not least, aiming to become an inspiration for my young children, who asked so many questions growing up. I rarely had the answers, they made me do the research, and not rely on individuals or teachers for their own informed opinion of what matters. If you don’t know something, find out, and form an opinion of your own. It is always possible to find out the probable answer’s to Why? Information is everywhere, if you choose to look. Our chats at home now go on for days especially when the questions are profound.
With the help and support of my rock, that is my husband, I still have until May 2018 to complete my own personal Self-fulfilled (f)ilosophy for the Art of Creative Writing and when the philosophy term of time runs out, I intend to release my first-ever Creatively Written Novel, by what method, only time will tell. I’m putting the words out there, but sometimes it is all in the action and not only the words.
During these last 3, to 8 years of studies and research, I have grown to learn something of Philosophy, recaptured my understanding of Social Sciences, combined both qualitative processes of research with quantitative psychologies, and managed to form my own epistemological translations as a parent and once, ‘A Girl from Hull’. Words can be empowering or dis-empowering. With Culture and experiences thrown into the mix, we have a heavy pot of complex-word-phenomenon, and I am only talking in English for now, language is often taken for granted.
Words deliver a sense of knowledge to all who share and listen to them: truths and untruths, ideas, concepts and facts, and in my own Creative Writing, self-awareness has been brought to the fore.
I know in the last three years, my reading and research has barely touched the surface of Ernest Hemingway’s mountain. However, I have enjoyed every second of the learning process, I’ve become ‘open to the translation of words’, otherwise known as confident in Creative Writing.
I write Poetry, Prose, Short-story, non-fiction and fantasy-fiction, I am experimenting with words, an Artist using the form, Creative Writing. It feels good that I am finally ready to write about my experiences along the way. Wish me luck, we all need a little luck, and thank you to all the readers to date. I’ve enjoyed your company on this merry way in the ‘Profession of Writing’.
24th October 2017, updated March 2018