There is always something to learn in everything we do, even in the things we don’t do there has to be a reason, for sure. What if, you don’t know the reasons why? Do we need to know?
Some of us do, some of us don’t.
In the past I often thought there was something to be learned in seeking out the answers. Recently, that desire has changed, and I am thankful I have had the opportunity in finding the purpose of my own conscious mind, if that is even possible for everyone via Creative Writing. The experiences to date as one writer in progress has allowed me to consider which small step I will make next. Can you imagine living like that, considering every single detailed move you are about to make. Who has the time? Really!
Although, I don’t think we need the time not really. We just need to consider a little more, think a little more, and decide for ourselves, what do we really want?
After finding out that I didn’t make the scholarship with NECAH and the University of Hull, with my intention of diving further and deeper into the stories of M.Darrieussecq and discovering the many baby-tales silenced within literature. I pondered, should I just do it anyway? I have come so far without academia, why do I keep trying to reach back in? What am I looking for?
It was last week that I returned to the writing project in Translating Marie’s Non-Fiction which I started back in September 2017. I once had the power to suspend time and I did, could I do it again?
As a puppet on a string
No singular formula
Tugged in a different direction
Different to others, no two the same.
How you hold your body,
Creates a sense of satisfaction.
Move the muscles to stay active;
extreme feelings of seduction.
We give more attention to the new
A first choice, a last choice,
No alternative than to be
The advantages of an existence.
Often and rarely discussed to give all
Of your form and assurances over
Life changing biochemistry, changing
All dependent on him.
I am still with intention, and want and have desire and passion to continue to translate Marie’s book, for myself. With or without nowadays do people really need people to generate a connection? Without the writer, words would not be shared. If there is so much information accessible and resources available, then why do I keep defaulting back to the University of Hull for support? If I want to know, I can now find out for myself, sometimes it is about having a little self-belief.
It was during a self-awareness course with the Open University that I became aware of my reasons. Quite a lot can happen in one month, if you’re in the right places and willing to listen. I recognised, I feel at home within settings of established Heritage and Character. I also thrive in the company of others, as much as I do without. How about you?
Do I keep trying with the University of Hull?
I asked myself this recently. It was hard to admit defeat, another blow to the failure checklist during which time I received a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe I was on the wrong path, and although baby-tales are something I have been focused – that is a project for me, and me alone – it was a way to cope with a few past physical health challenges, for which I am through the other side. The University isn’t established to counsel, it is built to create survivors and thriving bodies, nurturing their minds, embracing and discovering new knowledge. Isn’t it? Who the heck knows. Any offers for enlightenment are welcome.
It has taken me three years of Creative Writing in solitude to be rested and assured, if you really want to know something and learn, the opportunities will arise, maybe in a place where you least expected.
I am grateful for Dr. Helena Chadderton of the University of Hull’s, Languages Department for prompting me to read le bebe for myself and without page 42 of the book, this poem for today may never have grown to be, for the good or for the bad, such is life.
Next week: How translations and many words can generate beautiful connections. After participating with the Psychologies Magazine, on a Life Leap Mission to succeed in that which I am intending, call it a purpose if you like as One Writer in Progress, I’ve been taking the 4DX journalling process quite seriously and writing a few little notes.
J. Spencer, May 2018