You know when you are nearing the end of a particular Writing journey, because there are so many opportunities thrown at you, there is a need to make a decision.
Life is all about making choices. Choices that are reflective upon the knowledge we have attained, on and up to that day we will make our decision. Apparently, R. Hoffman doesn’t believe knowledge is static in the Start-Up of You (2012) and I have to agree with him to a point.
I began to write little notes on each page,
How each page made me think and feel,
“Have you read these books?”, she shouts,
I haven’t, nor yet to see the film.
A wooden key unlocks the binds of the mind
Behind the forehead, four, three, two then one.
What can I do to help, or not?
Going live, within the sculpted core of
Symptoms, labels, disorders, what’s more –
Within the process of both time and space
Growth will inevitably take place, to win, to be
On board, to lose, is a gift of your own discourse
Many of us talk about what we would be doing if we were such an age, whether it be older, or younger. No one can predict where they are going to be in the future, can they? Is it possible to imagine how a different decision may have changed the past? All we can do is live the life we hope, to be for the best, in the present sense.
I don’t envy those who choose to work in politics or strategic marketing, because there must be a great pressure on the leaders to make decision that are for the best, and sometimes we don’t always get it right.
After attempting to translate page forty-eight of le bébé by Marie Darrieussecq (2005) I began to appreciate the need to write little notes for myself. For the only way we can attain our reasons for making decisions is in the writing out of our thoughts – to later be able to reread them and reflect, why?
Getting on with it, a must, in every moment trust
Intimately concerned with life happenings.
To overthink is not to rush, press the button to
Pause, take more than five seconds and breathe.
I began to write little notes on each page.
The experience in translating French for a book that I do believe I needed to read, not wanted to read, needed! The whole process in attempting to understand a new language, slowed me down as the Reader and Writer. I was once under the misunderstanding that being part of the rat-race was to live in the fast lane, rushing like the Hare in Aesop tales. It’s perfectly understandable why I might think like this and a blog I wrote over at Psychologies Life Labs may offer more insight if you want to know more.
Knowledge isn’t static! That is correct in my mind, however, even so, some knowledge is essentially shared to help, to protect, and assess the risks and in supporting one another, some of us choose to listen, others not. It’s understandable, because each new generation naturally tends to want to learn for itself. I am maybe only talking about my own recent learning curve as a proactive writer of poetry. Sometimes, I have been the hare, and at other times I have been the tortoise, we often have to find our own way.
Although I knew that jumping off a cliff without a bungee chord was fatal, I also knew that researching information for myself would be a test and it wouldn’t create a fatality. I kept talking to others about suspending time. There were only a couple of factors to weigh up: One, I wouldn’t be paid as I didn’t ask for funding, and I wasn’t employed by anyone to do it. Two, my time in isolation without any connections with people who could offer conflicting views may encourage narcissism. It was certainly a curve – learning all about poetry in a chosen self-absorbed isolation.
To keep me sane and proactive, I created a project: A Blue Butterfly Trail in an attempt to understand the function of ‘Kindness’ (May 2015 to May 2018). I had begun to notice what acts of Kindness truly did for others. I also avoided narcissism by reconnecting with my roots, this second project caused me to ban myself from the Hairdressers for One Whole Year (December 2016 to November 2017). Research, is fascinating, paid or unpaid, fascinating! What was also fascinating, is in the reasoning behind creating projects, why add to my intentions as a Poet? Why set myself challenges to avoid a future I had no real belief that either insanity or narcissism would creep in?
I have learned so much and I will try to share as much as I can with you, if you’re interested, stick with me. I must re-read what I have written over the years, and I must certainly, listen. If we listen to the words and re-read, we grant ourselves the opportunity to update and edit our knowledge just by refreshing the page.
Read a page of a book once, preferably one you like then put it down, write a few little notes about it. Return to it a week later and read it again, a few more notes. Do you have the same feelings, thoughts as the week before? Try it again a week later, then try it again. Keep readdressing those little notes.
The mind and daily interactions have a powerful impact on our perception of static knowledge. I found a book called Changing the Culture, Change the Game it has been a useful read over recent months.
In 2018 I have started sharing my poetry in eBooks for free, usually on Fridays. I was never writing poetry to earn a living, I did it for pure fun, how childish, how insane, how narcissistic! I am now setting my experience free.
Next time: I will share how having fun in writing poetry can drive you slightly mad. Did I remain grounded? I’m not sure I did.
Thanks for reading.
J. Spencer, May 2018