A Personal Note

I created the One Writer’s Progress website, back in 2014. This is when it all began for me as the Writer, dedicating the time to it. Well, maybe, it all began in 2009 when I returned to education to follow an old life-long-dream, but that is another back story.

It may have all began when I was a little girl, A Girl from Hull. I was about nine or ten; the decade is now talked of as the eighties. If you’re reading this in one hundred years time, that was the 1980s, and I wanted to be an Author.

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Before we become the author, we have to be the writer. In the 1980s I wanted to be a writer, but I was just a girl, and who on earth earns money as a Writer anyway?  Thirty-ish or so years later, it was 2009 that I downed tools as a Professional Administrator and Office Manager. I had become a parent, and wanted to readdress lost opportunities. I thoroughly enjoyed the career as a professional, safeguarding, risk assessing, processing, organising and managing, but something had always been missing. I had loved English back at school, however, my grammar was and still is so Culturally-Hullish.

I am learning! If I was as capable in publishing stories as well as I am in talking myself out of an opportunity, I will be a bestselling Author.

2009 was the year that gave me the opportunities I have had to date:

I returned to Education as a mature student, whilst parenting and somehow, with my Hullish grammar and words and exhaustion with two-teeny-children, I accomplished a Bachelors in the Art of English Literature with Creative Writing, and my path took me into realms of Renaissance with Modern Languages.  I still can’t believe it, because so many people told me I was quite thick in both mind and body growing up. I am learning, even today, we can be as great as we choose to be, and it is in our choices that matter.

Learn to switch the drones of negativity off, or maybe find a mute button.

This is where I fell in love again, with stories, the poetic form and words in general. I began to attempt to write Poetry, and will you believe it, Epic Poetry?

A passion for historical literature was stirred, Spenser, Shakespeare, Duranti & Darrieussecq, Rossetti, Meyer and Fry and more became my guides within a world of words.  I hung onto the word academia like a female possessed. I wanted to know where to look? What to read? How could I help the cause?

However, I had no idea what cause within English Literature I was truly helping.

Many of us (girls) jump up and down asking to be equal to men. However, I didn’t want to be equal, in body, nor mind. I enjoyed being the one carrying the baby. The female body is a miraculous creation, quite beautiful. Men, they have their own handsome purposes. It is through the differences in life creation that miracles begin. If I might use Fung Shui guidance as an example: I see men as the ying and the women as the yang, or maybe it is the other way around? Whichever suits, we all have one another’s traits, and can mutually adapt to suit, with the exception being, child birth.

I wanted to find balance of course. No more should the female have to be drawn to writing romances, no more should the female be destined to write about her domestic endeavours, the psychological monologues and or the fairy tale poetry.

Modern Women Writers alike Duranti and Darrieussecq, and Dame Carol Ann Duffy may feel the same way, but I don’t know and I don’t wish to put words into their mouths, their books speak for themselves. Read them!

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When I achieved a Masters I was blown away, literally breathless. How was it possible for this no mark, A Girl from Hull – presumed ‘simpleton’, able to achieve something so prestigious?  True grit and determination was the key and maybe a way with words, always of a cliché, but I put that down to becoming a mother back in 2005, and in being just A Girl from Hull.  Maybe the 1980s generated a new way in using language. Forgive the monologue, I often feel like I am of the generation influx marketing, when every word claims to sell something without even realising it.  This is when it all clicked into place. Shakespeare wrote about domestic affairs too. E. Spenser wrote fantasy fiction.

I had begun to learn something very important:

2014, flung out on my ear by the University which is quite a story in itself: Off you go! Find something to do with it, that qualification of yours.

What was my vocation again?  

I am able to laugh at myself today, and that is healthy, the University hadn’t thrown me out, it was just how I felt. I absolutely fundamentally didn’t know what to do, because I had been told by one lecturer that my poetry was nothing new, my dreams began to crumble, and I believed what this ‘one’ man said – what a simpleton.

Sadly, with an education, a family and three decades under my belt, emotionally I wasn’t resilient enough, I remained filled with self-doubt even when two other lecturer said my enthusiasm and efforts were very unique. I once saw unique as a little bit weird. I had been conditioned to believe people should all be the same.  I felt deep down, “how can I teach and write for others, when I have not learned enough for myself?” I had to keep reminding myself, I wanted to be an Author, and remember the childhood dream.

This is where I halted my own chasing of a destination, I started to think, what if?

These last three years or more of trial and error, writing and reading in solitude, learning and self-executing as a Professional Writer, writing stories and poetry has been a raging sea of torment, and often I wanted to call it a day.

Writing hasn’t quite earned me a living. But, it certainly kept me busy and gave me lots to do. As if I didn’t have enough to do.  I have had to read lots, write and re-write. What have I written about? Life. Because it certainly wanted to get in the way of my intended profession. I tried a pen name and felt like a fraud. I tried to join writing groups, but most of the groups participants didn’t want to be an Author as a destination, they just wanted to write and see where it took them, maybe meet a few friends.

As you will see from this webpage, I didn’t give up:

I have become quite the philosopher, I still write about the mundane and the female perspective, because a Writer tends to write about what they know and love, and I love being female, I love being a parent, I love being the Writer of I-Ching Poetry, Fairy Tales and Fantasy Chapters, oh and this blog. Will I give up? No! Because writing is now my new baby, and I will nurture it until my last breath.

Thank you for reading.

Vérdâlibré, Philosopher, Creative Writing

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One Writer in Progress by J. Spencer. 2018

 

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